I fucking hate my parents

While my parents might not be as bad as others they still suck. Sure they aren't physically abusive but the underlining emotional abuse is just. So for context, I am autistic and have had social anxiety disorder for years (and have also been a shy kid anyways), and in my case when I get really scared (which is basically any social situation) I can't really talk. I get really scared and I just "shut down". So, in the past we would visit some family in a different state and since I rarely saw them I couldn't really say hi, but my mom loves to say how rude I'm being. She says that "nobody would want to hang out with a rude person". And my aunt would give me a shitton of presents and now my mom is all like "she stopped because why would she want to give something to a rude person?" like it stopped as I am getting older. Because of the tism I am not a very facial expressive person. And my resting face makes me look "pisses off" and my mom is all like "why would anyone want to hang out with you if you look so angry. Like I have not had one friend that had said anything about that. Like I have had a few people ask if I was okay, but they weren't all like "lets avoid him". Also my mom says how she "defends" me from my dad's bs. But she doesn't. She seldomly says anything, and if she does it is so subtle that my dad just doesn't realize. So I do laundry on Sundays and I had asked my dad if he could just put his work clothes away, since it's his stuff and he's here and not busy, and they were all like "your being rude". Like this man is fifty fucking right year's old. He can put his goddamn clothes away. My mom is all like "oh you need to start pulling your weight around the house." like the only things my dad does that is productive is cooking, working, and yard work. That's it. He seldomly does anything else. He spends his days just playing games or watching tv. Like this man should fucking do something. And how dare I not "pull my weight", I definitely don't do anything. I just picking up the dog shit, doing the dishwasher, doing laundry, cleaning, taking out the trash, etc is nothing. Like why can this fucking man sit here and do bullshit and I am somehow the lazy one? Oh I'm sorry I get upset if I am trying to listen to music or watch something in my room and I get interrupted every 5 fucking seconds. So I was working on my story for creative writing in the office and so I tend to pause or switch tabs of what I was doing whenever my parents are near (just natural fear response) and so I did that and my dad was all like show me show me show me and they changed their fucking passwords on their computers and still refuse to tell me. On I'm sorry that my chronic fear of judgment doesn't exclude you. I was literally writing coeny ass romance. That was it. It was just really corny. It was just really sappy romance and I was embarrassed. School is literally fucking over. My mom loves to point how she isn't misgendering me and how she tries to not use gender words and expects me to congratulate her for the bare fucking minimum? Like congrats. Just use my fucking pronouns. I get you will mess up, as long as you are trying that what counts. She literally told my dad after I had just asked her for a binder. There was no need to tell him just get a binder. Like just get it. And for a while she was like "I don't think it would help you". Like how would you know? You can't even remember that I want to be an author. You can't fucking remember that so how do you know what's best for me? She also said that she thinks I'm not ready to learn how to drive, and one of her fucking reasons was that because I haven't shown interest before. Like what I am showing interest now? Do you except me to pop out of the womb crying to drive? No because rhat's bs. She refuses to explain. Don't get me started on my dad. He has reapeatly dehumanized me/trans people in general, said the n-word (we are white), made racist remarks, told me that he tries to stop me from pacing the house (stim) to make sure I don't develop schizephronia, like deadass walking around the walking house isn't cause me to hallucinate? That makes no sense. They have also been like this. My dad has referred to my gentails to try to "prove" I'm not a boy. He has given me a knife and told me to "try not to get blood on the carpet". I recalled this to my mom and asked why she just let this happen and she was all like "maybe I didn't hear?" like you were right fucking there. Right fucking there. You love to claim how much to try to protect me but you don't actually do shit. Even if you believe he won't listen it is a lot better to call him out then just letting him do it. They refuse to fucking see that parenting styles affect their kid, "oh well these two people grew up the same but still became different" okay I am not saying that it would show up exactly but like it fucking infucles you. Oh god I want to tell my dad to shut up and actually do something. I want to scream at them until my vocal cords fill up with blood. I want to scream and scream and scream and scream and scream. I hate them so much. My therapist has told me that she believes I am truamarized and that is why I am so scared. I know who did. I know this might make me sounded like a really messed up person, but I want to kill them. I would not. But just the thought of having them out of my life for good just sounds wonderful. Well at least their is one of more year. The second I am financial stable I am running away to a spot where they would have to actively seek me out to find. I will block their numbers and all contact to them. I will run. I won't even leave a note. I'll just go one day and never return. Fuck I might just call them my egg and sperm donors cause that is what they are. They just fucked and had me. Oh how I love Egg complaining about me as if I was doing something so horrible. I'm not going out every night and getting horrible drunk. Nope I'm not. I fucking hate them. Fuck them.

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anonymous Parents June 24, 2023 at 3:58 pm 0 0