Prison for dividing by zero

Mandatory prison sentence for anyone who divides by zero.

I think dividing by zero should be illegal. Not only is it undefined, it masquerades as zero to the unsuspecting. Ban all division by zero. Understand that mathematical sins like these should not go unpunished. Dividing by zero is a moral fuckup.

If your friend asks you to do this, there's no room for compromise. Remind him it's an intellectual felony as he's escorted away in handcuffs. Shake your head softly as he's shoved into the back of the squad car. As the cacophony of squealing tires and wailing sirens begins to soften and the assailant is led away, stand steady at once and remind yourself that only a backward fool would ever dare divide by zero. By nothing. By squat. By that which does not exist.

The rabble in the courtroom are no help. With the mountain of evidence making the poor sow's chance of exoneration practically nil, only a creaking of old wood is heard. The jury comes out, and, then, an assortment of sorry cries from the onlookers. "Answer for your madness!" "This one deserves no less than the brunt!" "No mercy for such brazenness!"

"We the jury find the defendant GUILTY of one count of dividing by zero."

They turn hideous, their monstrous faces portending the very worst. Snickering and sneering from hecklers. Twisted laughter. Silence.

"I sentence you to ZERO!"

A brass necklace (like Flavor Flav would wear) with a sizeable "zero" is brought out. The necklace is fastened to the convict. "Reprobate!" "I knew it all along!" "Nothing good!" among the roar of the audience.

Later...

"S-so how was it?"
"They gave me this novelty Zero necklace and told me to never do that again."
"No more dividing by zero?"
"No, no more. I've learned the errors of my ways."

Remember to never, ever, divide by zero.

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anonymous Relationships February 14, 2024 at 12:43 am 0 0