Oh mother

My mother is mostly absent at most points of my life when I needed her the most like my school programs, when I won best writer, and when I had all of my field trips but always claims that she has done the most for our family. She was a great help in financing and providing for the family but she was never maternal towards me. It's as if I asked to be born. She never was there for me when I cried and refuses to listen to me whether the topic is about something that bothers me or something that I enjoy. She always tries to convince me that she's there for me and that she's a great mother because she provides for us but she really is never there. She would try and be there for us physically but her mind will go somewhere about work or her friends. I tried becoming everything she wanted and pented up my anger until it exploded. She never believed of doing something wrong with the way she treated me. Then, she had another child. I was confused as to why she would have another child when she can't even take care of me? or cannot handle me? She said it's so I can't feel alone but the birth of my sister isolated me even more. I was the one there for my sister. I took care of her and taught her most things that my mother was proud of her learning but no one really ever thanked me of raising her the way she is, an very expressive and bright child. A child I never was. I guess my only thanks will be the fact she is the best version of herself. I am glad. But there are times when my sister is not my responsibility. School became important to me. Everyday when I study, I also make sure my sister is taken care of but when it was my mother's turn to take care of her. When she craved her mother's attention, my mother will get angry as if my sister was the one bothering her when she just wanted to be held. If my sister bothers my mother, she'll just gave my sister my phone and let her watch for hours just so my mother can do whatever she wants. I told her about this and how this could affect my sister. She mocked me as if everything I said was bullshit. But my mother always wants me to be a lawyer or a doctor but never knows neither asked what I wanted to be. When I told her what I wanted to be, she would dismissed it "You won't make any money if you take that job." She expected me to help her when I get older as if I owed her. I did not owe her of anything. I did not ask to be born. I only asked her to be a mother, A real mother to me and my sister. No child should be neglected like this. I don't want her to grow up like me angry at the world. Even if it's hard, I will be there for my sister when she is in her school programs, when she is being awarded for school, when she is in her field trips, and when she needs me most.

---

Janna Parents September 09, 2022 at 11:10 pm 1 0