I don t know what I m feeling

my dad keeps on calling me careless but I'm trying as hard as I can't to make him happy but he just doesn't get it and I don't know what to do anymore. everyday I feel the same. I've gotten into the school he wants me in and I've kept my grades up but he doesn't trust me and thinks that I'm just lying. my cousin found out about me self harming and may have found out about my ed. every single second i spend with my family and people I love is so draining. I want to purge so badly and my parents just force me to eat. I can't say no to people and I can't take it when something negative is said to me. I can't make any of this any more. my teacher was worried for me but I just lied again. I want this all to end. I want to wake up happy and skinny and taller. I want my best friend to love me as much as I love her. I want everyone to realize how deeply my feelings run into my body and to realize that what they are doing is actually affecting me more than it should. I want to express myself so badly and to show how I truly want to be. all I can do is listen to the music I love and so want to express through myself and things around me. my stomach hurts so much when I eat and I feel no desire to eat. I just want to live that life where I can express myself even though I know it will never happen. I have no sense of self and have been feeling void of emotions without my friend. I'm so tired.

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anonymous Miscellaneous February 05, 2023 at 12:25 am 0 0