i love my mum and dad

i love them so much, its just so painful how they dont see it or ignore it. ever since i was little i would say "goodnight, sweet dreams and love you" before going to bed. as i gradually grew older they started ignoring when i say those stuff before going to bed, they only say it back to my siblings... and i miss the times before bed where i would just lay down with my mum and tell her about my day. i miss it so much.... i feel like they dont even know how much im trying to make them proud, trying everyday to keep myself going because i want to see them proud of me. honestly, i felt that the day never came, i always tried since i was young, always reading, always studying to get the best results. even though they threw me in a school, which i barely know the language of, my grades were so bad at first because i could barely understand shit, but then i studied, studied and studied, got look down on by teachers for not knowing my mother tongue cause i was raised in an english speaking household, being bullied for being blur and stupid. so all i wanted was just to prove all of them wrong, and i guess it came true, i started getting 1st in class and good grades when i reached 10 years old, got a high position as a prefect, i was happy for myself, i had good friends everything. but the only thing was i just wanted the hear the words "im proud of you" come out for my fathers mouth, i just wanted them to be proud, instead i got a "its just a class ranking what matters is ur grades". like okay! i know but still i tried so hard for u both and all i get back was those words. until now im 16 already, the biggest exam im going to take is next year, and im feeling so burnt out, im trying my best to get up everyday to attend classes, do my work, study even though i feel like shit sometimes. and all i get is nags from you all about how i use all my free time laying down on the bed. like obviously?!?! i need a break okay. i spent my whole life suffering and throwing away everything just to make u all proud, and all i can get are dirty looks from both of u. it breaks my heart so badly, i just want it to go back the way it was when i was still your little girl, the one u loved so much. i love you all so much. i really do. pls just say you love me back or even a goodnight back is okay. i love u all. im so sorry for whatever ive done. im sorry for turning out the way i am now. im so sorry. i just hope one day u will be proud of me

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anonymous Parents August 05, 2021 at 11:56 am 0 0