When will this stop

So I have an online friend. I used to talk to her every day, I'm going to address her as r. but recently r got a new job and needs to go to her office physically. So our talk becomes lesser and lesser. I'm currently dealing with online classes so I get lonely. I don't have anyone to talk about. I do message people like my classmates but only for my assignments. Then, I tried to talk to my other online friends but it just feels different. I really missed r a lot. Sometimes thinking about her just makes me sad. I tried to be more understanding but it's hard. Not gonna lie, but I used to rely on her all the time. I asked for her decisions regarding everything that is important. but now, I'm back to being alone. it's sad. I just wish I have no emotion. I don't like feeling this kind of sadness and it's hurting me. There is a point where I wish I won't talk to r at all nor trusting her so much. I'm stupid for believing that I am important in her life. I feel very stupid when I trusted her when she said she just one message away. I don't have anyone to blame at all except me. A few days ago, I told her about what I'm dealing with. and she also said that she felt sad when we didn't talk like we used to anymore. but that kind of happiness when knowing that she is also sad was just for a while. I'm trying so hard to understand her but my feelings just can't cooperate with me. I just wish this semester can end faster. I'm tired of life. I'm tired of everything. I want to just forget everything including r. I want to say this to her badly. i hate her now when she keeps coming into my mind. i hate her when she didnt appear at all for the whole week but im still excited when she send me a text. i hate her for talking to me first. but what i hate the most is myself. i hate myself for trusting someone, relying on someone and just thinking of someone all day long. when will this stop. its tiring

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anonymous Friends June 12, 2021 at 11:50 am 0 0