I m trying

I suck at math, always have always will. Schools nowadays dont care to teach you it properly they only care about giving you extra credit and passing. They place me in a class with people that are advanced, and I have no idea what the hell to do. I try my hardest to pass, and yet I always manage to fail, 10 years from now this wont matter, but my parents still manage to act as if I'm getting retained and freak the hell out about me failing one material. I try my hardest to a good daughter, I try my absolute hardest not to get involved in drama, I was sexually harassed my freshman year. I choose not to tell my parents because they'd get pissed off more than ever, and it would cause a whole drama. All my life I've tried my hardest to be the perfect daughter, to be smart, to get 1st place and with trophies for academics. I always try to make my parents proud, and yet my mother blows everything out of proportion for one 0 i got in an assignment and still passed. All my mother causes is for me to stress, knowing if i fail any other assignment that she'll hit me. I forged her signature on an IPR because it's better than dealing with her yelling at me. Place me in a class with people who understand the subject better than I do myself, and right now I can hear her yelling at my dad for her to yell at me. She acts as if she's never failed before, as she's this perfect girl from mexico who's never missed up once in her damn life. All she causes is for me to stress out and cry, in 8th grade i made a suicide joke and was forced to go to therapy, and my mother had asked me to LIE to the therapist so that she would leave because it would look bad on my 'record'. At times I wish I didn't lie and i was able to talk to somebody about how shit it is. I feel like it doesn't matter how much good I do, the little i fuck up they'll cling onto that for the rest of my life and never let it go, bring it up constantly and break me down more. As if yelling, hitting, and taking away electronics is going to automatically make me pass the class or make up an assignment. Sometimes I wish I could just die, not even worry about what college i go to, if i get accepted to university, if i get married, if i have kids, i just want everything to end. School stressed me, my parents stress me, and I absolutely wanna scream just feel something other than wanting to hurt myself. She comes into my room and questions me as if i was expecting to fail, that i give her more issues, that she doesn't care how i pass as long as i pass so guess whose gonna cheat off of for everything now haha. Because to her it doesnt matter, because to her all i ever do is create more problems and cause her more issues. I want to feel something anything other than like how i feel right now. She brings my boyfriend into this as if he has anything to do with it.I want to scream and claw out my fucking throat like a cat.

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anonymous Parents February 21, 2020 at 6:52 pm 6 0