a bunch of whatever

it's so funny. so funny, because I dont understand who I am. what i want. For the most part i lack empathy, save for people who I care. it's so fucking absurd that I relate to Hannibal Lecter from the tv series. Instead, i'm a bit worse, i suppose. I sure as hell would've been addicted to shit like heroin or meth if I had access to it. I sure as hell would be on a killing spree if i can bother (i'm too tired to). i'm confused, what am i? i tried taking borderline personality questionnaire, most of the answers arent what i feel like. i tried taking antisocial personality disorder questionnaire, and it's the same.

fuck. why are you affecting me so much? you asked for space, and im giving it, and i give it in good faith. i give you space because thats what friends do. yet i "stalk" your website to know how youre doing. every day we dont talk i feel more disgusting than i was before. it's so fucking unfair how you're affecting me so much. we havent talked for 2 months, so what? so why am i being such a bitch right now? why do i constantly want to gouge my eyes out, why do i always feel like i want to gut myself over this? if i cant do it to myself, i genuinely will do it to someone instead. i read the things you say on your blog, and they scare me. they scare me because every time you post about yourself, i feel like you're slipping away. no, not that youre becoming someone else. you're always you, just simply that you will grow and grow, and never stop growing. it's what i've always said, what i always want you to know. we don't stop growing, because we never stop learning.

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anonymous Miscellaneous August 14, 2020 at 2:03 pm 0 1