fuck it all

TW: mentions of self harm+ mental issues+ body image

fuck it all, no motivation to do anything, I'm cant eat, cant sleep, I've done no school work for the past month and I don't know what's wrong with me.
.ill start to think about doing any work and I have a panic attack
.I hate Everything about me, like I seriously cant name a single thing I honestly like on my body, its to the extent that i will look at my skin on my wrists and think that its too thin, hate the texture length and colour of my hair, my eyelid shape isn't even, my blue eyes aren't bright enough, my eyebrows are too thin and too light, my head shape is weird, i hate the texture on my skin, my skin isn't pale enough- not even as well, i hate my freckles, i have such chubby cheeks, my ears stick out and are too big, my eyelashes aren't dark enough and aren't even, i hate my nose, my lips aren't even,

Really i have no reason to think this because some of it blatantly isn't true and ive been told im pretty good looking. but i still believe all of this and waaay more.

i could go down from head to toe and name something wrong with every inch of me.
Because of this i really do think i either have high-functioning-anxiety or body-dysmorphia- the problem is, my parents think that everything is fine with me and even from a very young age under-values my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. so i know that they would do nothing about it but tell me I'm ungrateful and just seeking attention or trying to be "trendy"

i don't know what to do, im on the edge of self haring again (its been over a year), im not eating properly and i cant concentrate in school because im always thinking about how im looking eg, posture, makeup, breathing, blinking too much, how my hair looks.
- i guess that will do for tonight:)

- to anyone who reads this all the way through, thanks, sorry for being such a downer.
please remember "if you have one foot in yesterday, and one foot in tomorrow, you're pissing on today" -Katya to Trixie (Unhhhh 2019).

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D Miscellaneous March 21, 2021 at 7:11 pm 1 0