I still cant get this out of my mind because it really bothers me that I couldn't sexually perform well on the very day that I lost my virginity.
Plus I feel like I want to tell some of my family but it would partly destroy some of them and some of my image.
I don't know how to present this in a butter-you-up way, but after failing time and time again in getting my life together, the stigma, scorn and turmoil of being a 30+ years old virgin was getting to me.
Yesterday, I was presented an opportunity to have sex with a woman for the first time in my life ever!
Only issue was that she was part of an existing open-relationship.
[Prior to these past 2 years, I only wanted to have sex with a monogomous heterosexual natal female that was close to my age.]
Given my track record of passing up on opportunity after opportunity in my life, I figured the situation isn't ideal but is doable.
I ended up doing 4 things against my family's moral upbringing.
If I was much younger, I would have passed on that opportunity.
~~ The real Kicker is that my erection was too weak ~~
I feel more ashamed that I couldn't penetration capable erection for most of the night.
I failed to perform well because a multitude of factors were against me such as exhaustion, poor diet, lack of fitness, the anxiety of the moment, the awkwardness of the situation, a tight condom, and inability to satisfy my partner because of lack of skill in sex.
I couldn't please her or myself!
She was super tight (vaginismus?), she was somewhat dry (her period?), I was erection deficient, and the plus the condom was numbing most of the pleasure.
~~ What this boils down to ~~
I really wish I could meet another woman inside of a better fitness situation so that I can flush that out of my mind since I was a super disappointment to her.
However I really need to change my diet, exercise, and find a condom that fits right and won't hinder my blood flow.
Yes it bothers me a little that I ended up participating in a train threesome with a non-married open relationship woman while her cuck partner watched and recorded some of it.
I know I can NOT tell my close family about this.
It stands against their moral fiber and telling them would either shock, disappoint, anger, or phase them in a manner I cant imagine.
anonymousRelationships July 12, 2018 at 6:23 am20