people are awful

It gets really under my skin when others decide to comment on my life. first off no one understands how i see life. they can see parts and pieces however, no one fully understands. I feel like an outsider with friends, my family, in school, at work, and surprisingly enough with myself. I am tired about being told who I am and what I need to do or have to do. while yes some of this is my own stubbornness I grew up with. you know the mentality of since you told me to clean my room I am not now, but as a 21-year-old from a big family it's hard to just let the comments pass. I am already told about me gaining weight all the time, my grades even though I try my hardest but forget. I am also not able to drive because when in high school I did too much to learn how to drive and then covid hit my senior year so I couldn't at the time. now it's getting to the DMV. my mother decided to rush to take my younger sister at 18 but failed to include me because she thinks it is my boyfriend's responsibility when I see him once a week. It is also so frustrating being told I don't want to drive which is not the case am I scared well yea who isn't? But besides that, I am tired of being told what my values are. none of them are in my head they don't know are understand the internal struggles I have and try to downsize them. It is always a competition on who has the worst life. who is sicker, who does what first, how hard one's life was, how much sleep one got, how stressed one is. Just constantly competing. It gets really tiring to have to compete against everyone in my family and have no one I feel safe enough to talk to about anything. When I try to bring something up as a conversation as an adult I am screamed at and told I am immature, which that I have noticed with my mom and siblings is that immature in their eyes is very different in many other eyes. In every way with my family, father excluded, I am invalidated and feel like I am on the outside.

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Tilly Miscellaneous March 03, 2023 at 4:11 am 18 0